Tales of a shaman and a familiar
by irishhair
Summary: A series of short stories about Naboo and Bollo, from Bollo's "death" in series one to post series three. Howard and VInce appear in some of them, but it's mainly about Naboolio and his familiar.


Bollo felt his chest seize and through his blurring vision saw a black robed figure approaching. There was a sudden sound like a bag of skittles scattering across a marble floor and he felt the pressure on his chest subside slightly. The cowled stranger was now limping toward him and a soft lilting lisp called out threateningly.

"Sod off, you bony git or I'll wipe the floor with your coccyx," Naboo was standing next to the gorilla enclosure holding a large rock and cocking his arm.

"A'right, you've made your point," the limping spectre grumbled, "Just doin' my job."

"Well you can leave it, 'e's with me," Naboo replied with an uncharacteristic frown, "You best not meddle in the affairs of a shaman or mothers will whisper tales of your fate to terrify their young," he glared significantly.

"I'll take you to the sodding cleaners, mate," he clarified quickly.

"Whatever you say. They don't pay me enough to put up with this treatment. Wait'll I tell my Pauline..." the stranger slowly faded and disappeared.

Bollo got shakily to his feet and looked up and saw Naboo holding onto the bars of his cage and swinging like a child.

"Bollo owe you a debt of gratitude, Naboo the enigma," he said humbly and ducked his head.

"Yeah whatever," Naboo shrugged.

*

The animals were being herded into boxes and the empty enclosures were being boarded up. A small voice reached his ears.

"They're sending you to a zoo in France," Naboo was standing holding the bars of his cage again.

"Do you wanna come with me instead? I'm going free lance, I'll need a familiar."

The shaman looked oddly shy and even smaller than usual, sitting on a suitcase next to a rolled up carpet. Bollo nodded slowly and Naboo smiled. With a wave of his hand the door opened and Bollo walked out into the daylight. The carpet was unfurled and the climbed on, Naboo with a practised ease and Bollo hesitantly.

"What're the hours?" he asked quietly.

"The rest of your life," Naboo looked back at him.

"That alright, Bollo not got much on," he replied and Naboo laughed.

*

Bollo quickly learned that his role as familiar mainly consisted of getting stoned with Naboo, making sure that the little shaman got safely to bed when he got completely wasted and occasionally helping rescue Howard and Vince. He liked living in the flat with Naboo and DJ-ing and helping Vince with new outfits. He didn't mind Howard too much, though he was a bit of a ballbag.

Naboo was slumped against his shoulder and blowing a thin plume of smoke through his lips. His slight weight was warm and comfortable.

"Do you think that looks like a cow's intestine?" Naboo asked gesturing towards a cloud of twisting smoke.

Bollo grunted uncommittedly and Naboo put his head against his chest.

*

Naboo occasionally whinged about upgrading to a familiar with a warning system more detailed than a general, all purpose bad feeling about things, but he knew that he could never replace Bollo.

*

Howard and Vince were clearly in love. Whatever that said about Vince's usually impeccable taste aside, they were being very silly about it. They could have been happily shagging each others brains out for years instead of pretending not to care about each other.

Naboo tutted as they left the shop with the goth girls.

"Sorry about those ball bags," he said, moving closer to his familiar, insinuating himself between the gorilla and the shorter of the girls.

*

"This girlfriend of yours," Naboo said with crossed arms, "'s interfering with my work, you need to chuck her."

Bollo's visits to the orangutan had been infrequent at best. Naboo had been keeping him as busy as possible, making snide comments about gingers all the while. The relationship had been more physical than anything else, but it still hurt to let her go. Still, Naboo's word was law and nobody could ever mean as much to him as his little shaman.

*

His life was extended far beyond what was normal for a gorilla, even one who had lived most of his life in captivity, by Naboo's magic.

"You'll live as long as I do, so long as you're my familiar," Naboo had explained to him years ago.

"Our souls our connected like stickle bricks."

*

"This is absolute rubbish," Naboo scowled, "What idiot would chose some blonde tart over Helena Bonham Carter?"

Vince giggled.

"She is an ape though," Howard said, "No offence Bollo," he added hastily.

"None taken," Bollo said after hitting Howard's upper arm.

"'S complete dingos gonads," Naboo continued, "I can't suspend my disbelief over that manure."

Bollo put his arm around him and Vince and Howard discretely left the room. Naboo heard Vince asking Howard if Helena Bonham Carter was related to John Bonham and Howard sighing as the door clicked shut.

Naboo pouted on Helena's behalf and rested his head against its spot on Bollo's shoulder, his arm slung casually across the ape's middle.


End file.
